Once we reach our 40’s we realize that there is less time to waste, we don’t have time for the dating relationships that lead nowhere and those time-wasting personalities that can deflect us from our true goals of love or marriage. We might have been willing to put up with all this when dating in our twenties, but not any more.
So how can a single person over 40 avoid plunging into another desperate relationship that only leads down a blind alley? In this respect the online personals give some advantage. In making contact with other over 40s singles online, you have the chance to e-mail a number of different people, and start to get to know them, at the same time. This gives you a way to weed out those who are unsuitable before you move on to the step of dating one of them.
How to weed out those over 40s who do not meet our criteria? In answering this it is important to first understand that you must actively engaged in an e-mail conversation with each of your chosen over 40s singles. You cannot send the same e-mail to different people with just the names changed if you expect to be successful with online dating. You must make efforts to respond to things in someone’s online dating profile, as well as to engage with what they say in their e-mails.
Once you have a good conversation going with someone you can begin to look for things that might put you off them. You can begin with the obvious. If they tell you that they have six dogs sharing their home and you have an allergy to dog hair then it’s a no-brainer to tail off the conversation. But not everything is always so obvious.
Think about the relationships you’ve had in your life so far, in particular those that didn’t work. What was it that eventually put you off those people? What did they do? Was it their hang ups or their bad behavior once you got to know them better? Ask yourself how you can find out about these and similar things in a subtle way in the conversation you are having with somebody now. Perhaps you can ask them about their past history — on a conversational level, of course.
Or perhaps there will already be early indications of problems in what is the other person is saying. If your correspondent constantly talks about old boyfriends or girlfriends or failed relationships, for example, then tread warily. They may be too tied up with the past and their own emotional baggage.
On the other hand, the shoe may be on the other foot, and you may have to look to yourself to expunge emotional baggage of your own. This is never an easy process but may be necessary if you are to move on and be successful dating other over 40s singles.
Of course nobody is perfect, we all have our faults, and you have to be careful that you don’t talk yourself out of getting to know someone who may turn out to be perfect for you. Getting this balance right and forming a measured opinion of people is a skill you need to acquire, particularly when taking part in over 40s dating.