A dating coaching client, Sarah, called me recently to say she wants to get started meeting people again. She is divorced, 54 and hasn’t spent much time looking to date since she’s been focusing on her career. Now ready dive into the dating pool, Sarah asked what would be a good first outing.
I thought that was a great question and one I hear frequently as an over 40 dating coach.
Much depends on Sarah’s attitude and outlook. And where she live determines the type and quantity of events available.
My number one recommend is to attend a singles dances. They are usually low cost, low risk and available in almost any location. And if you like to dance – potentially fun! Singles dances don’t require any commitment – you just show up and dance when asked. It’s so simple.
But here’s where the attitude comes in…
To make the most of the event, here are some tips that will make all the difference. These tips are all about your attitude at the dance and how you interact with men.
tap your foot and look ready to go. Don’t cling to your girlfriends. Walk around or stand near the dance floor by yourself part of the time to make it easy for men to approach you.
Other men are watching how you respond and who you reject before they approach you. Men don’t like to be rejected so they look for women who seem low risk and friendly. So be nice!
– just appreciate meeting new people. This is a great opportunity to get used to the singles scene again and get your feet wet at a low pressure event.
The more experience you have, the more comfortable you’ll be maneuvering at singles events. Appearing comfortable signals you feel confident which is a very attractive quality.
– you never know who those people might know! I met my husband because I was nice when I met his sister. She liked me enough to suggest a blind date with her brother! Everyone there might have a son, nephew, brother, colleague, neighbor, uncle, father, etc. who they could introduce you to.
and be willing to go again! Someone new will attend each event so give things more than one attempt before you cross it off your “dance card.”
Personally, I dated three guys who I met at singles dances. And yet, before I got out there on my dating journey with the right attitude – I hated dances! No one ever asked me to dance and I rarely met anyone.
Why is that? Because I stood against the wall with my girlfriends and complained the whole night. Not very attractive. Plus, I didn’t make it easy for the men to approach me since I was rarely alone.
Smile, be friendly and decide that you are open to meeting new people. Then, let it go and see what happens. Deny your preconceived notions and just be willing to go with the flow. This is the best recipe for enjoying singles dances which are a wonderful re-entry to the dating scene.