1. Make Meeting people a priority in your life. Be open to meeting someone wherever and whenever. Not overtly hunting, because that can be perceived as needy, but just friendly and open. You could approach finding the right partner like finding the right job. Wear clothes that make you feel attractive and have some ideas for interesting conversation. Change your routine. If you havn’t been meeting people in the past, you have to change something to get your smile out in public. If you meet a few people that you are interested in and who reciprocate your interest, you will rapidly gain confidence.
2. Be Real and Realistic. Don’t fixate on finding a movie star lookalike. Looks fade and become completely unimportant if your partner is an “ass”. Sure physical attraction needs to be there, but it needs to go both ways. Avoid Gold Digging- prospective partners can sense that a mile away. Men can sense right away if you’re out for their wallet, not their personality.” In the long run, the most important characteristics you should want in a mate are not looks or money but a truly caring personality, a loving heart, a dependable nature and a firm commitment to you.
3. Similarity breeds success. Does this mean you need to find a clone of yourself? Not completely, but a strong set of similar ideas and common values are essential. Consider views on lifestyle,money, intelligence, sense of humor and eventually family life. Critical life plans such as city life or farm life, day to day subsistence or long term financial goals. These are principles that should be shared or acceptably compromised. This is a great feature of some dating websites that you can actually tell others who you are and what you want.
4. Avoid Talk about the ex or ex’s. On the first few dates, avoid the desire to tell the new man all about the previous boyfriend. If your ex was great almost too great, your date will feel intimidated. Conversely if you berate your ex, your date might think you might be talking about them in that way in a few months! Also be wary of a date who can’t stop talking about their former partner. If they are still hung up on their previous love, their heart has no room for you.
5. Keep Family plans to yourself for the first few dates. Men have a well tuned radar for detecting women who are too baby hungry. It can be a good idea to get a general idea of “kids or no kids” after a few dates, but avoid family planning until the relationship has developed some strength.
6. Don’t be a hapless savior. You both need to be emotionally healthy to develop a successful and strong relationship. Avoid thinking you can “help someone kick a drug or alcohol habit then they’ll be a perfect partner. It probably ain’t gonna happen. Move on before you get attached. It’s smarter to look for a man who doesn’t need healing, create interdependent relationships, NOT the co-dependent types.
7. Mind your manners. This applies to the older generations. Some can be appalled when their bright, attractive, funny date suddenly does something tacky the old double dipping “faux pas” or applying lipstick at the table. Traditional dates also find it confronting when the woman calls for the restaurant check. The new generation expects less chivalry and more equality. Common courtesy always wins “Be on time, shut off your cell phone, look them in the eye, not down at her cleavage or the floor.
8. Don’t let them win too easily. Be clear that you like them, but don’t take his initial interest as a signal to latch on to him right away. It should be pointed out that “three dates do not make a relationship.” Don’t hesitate to return their phone calls call in a timely fashion. But don’t turn your life upside down for your new date. If you play sports on Thursday, don’t drop it. Eventually once the relationship has grown you may start to compromise and combine interests and social groups. Do make it clear that while they are a welcome addition to your life.
9. Don’t babble. Don’t go overboard talking about yourself or just talking. Some of us just keep talking when we are a bit nervous. Try to be a good listener, just be interested in discovering “a bit” about your new date. No harsh questioning, just open questions about them.
10. Just be happy to be there. OK so it’s the first few dates. They may be perfect or a little tense, but just let your guard down a little and have fun. Expect less to experience more.
11. Be fun to be with. Leave work at work. Don’t strut so much that you forget to smile and enjoy yourself. For those perfectionists, not everything has to be done your way! Not every statement they make has to be debated. Let it be and get to know who your date is. Remember it’s a date, not a boardroom meeting.
12. Look beyond their good looks. Don’t be dazzled by looks and sexy bodies. Ask yourself if your date is worthy of winning your heart? How well do they treat their family and friends? If you don’t like the answer to those questions, beware. Once they are confident of your love, you may find yourself treated in the same way.
13. Be mindful of magic of love. Physical attraction(especially for women) can and usually does deepen as you really get to know and trust each other. The spark of initial attraction has got to be there to start with. Without any chemistry, you may be better off as friends.
14. What about having sex. Some are adamant that you should forgo sex at least for a little while. Until your guy is ready to commit at least part of his soul, you’re better off not committing your whole body to him. Some believe it is ideal to wait until you’ve had the discussion about not seeing other people.
The other side to that view is “why not?” Honey catches flies right! Sex is not a guarantee that he will stick around, but it may help, and gets the tension out of the air. Naturally this needs to be aligned with your cultural and religious views. Plenty still feel that sex only occurs within marriage. But definitely avoid those who use sex as a tool to manipulate the other.
15. Give a little, take a little. The real key to making a relationship a success, is that both people are willing to compromise. If one partner must always have their way and feel threatened by even small changes, tension will soon start to grow. Conversely if both partners need to have their way, things wont get far. Be understanding, and expect some flexibility in return.